Wow, okay. Me: not so much with the writing.

So I signed up for BlogHer's November Daily Post Thingy challenge, and so far I've already missed two days?  One day?

Anyway.

Writing once a day is, apparently, more difficult than I imagined.

It is odd that I underestimated the difficulty, because I started a blog partly because I find academic writing (the only kind of writing I ever attempt, mind) excruciatingly difficult.  I thought that there was a chance I wouldn't find writing some manner of vignette as big a hurdle.  And that I could therefore practice my hurdling with less stress and more frequently, thus making the academic writing a bit more approachable.

I have no idea if this is going to work or not, but a few things are on track with this attempt: I do find it difficult to write a post, although not nearly as difficult as writing parts of a paper.  I am writing more frequently than I would if I were not posting.  Writing is not my thing.  My language tends toward pictures, and all that.  Linear speech typically requires something akin to translation for me.

But linear speech is the world I live in, so it seems like a good idea to do some practicing.  Also, people get pissed when I drag my feet on academic writing.  I don't like any part of that - not their pissiness and not my foot-dragging.  So again, I'm excited about practicing.

Well.  "Excited" might be a little strong.

It would be accurate to say that I would be excited about having delicious chocolate cake for tomorrow's breakfast.  Practicing writing, on the other hand?  I am fairly certain that practicing writing constitutes "worthwhile effort."

And I have made a bit of progress on academic writing fronts.

Today I wrote a draft that describes a procedure for a simple experiment I've been doing in the lab.  This, at the request of my supervisor.  I want to be irritated by this, but it was a really good suggestion.  That I took.  And completed.  (See the proud post-doc write?)

Yesterday, I sat down to work on a paper that's been dragging on for a long, long time.  I sat down to work on it like it was no big deal!  And promptly found the password to the group's data had changed.  So, you know, I didn't get anything done.  Beyond sending a few emails and uncovering the new password.  But still.

Progress?  Maybe?

Certainly enough to merit cake, I think.

Not a tame man-hating lesbian.

It's true.  I'm not.  The only reason it seems that way is because I am still considering a career in science.

Some background: I broke something at work.  No no no no no please let it not be my fault (it's totally my fault).  People are trying to be judicious and kind and are generally succeeding only at making me incredibly angry.  Hey, I'm super fun!  And did I mention how much I hate the patriarchy?

Three weeks out, my blinding rage is now muting into something more like severely-impaired peripheral-vision rage.  This week, the positives:

1. No swearing at work!  This evening I almost had a pang of regret for hating all the men so very, very much.  They might be, like, people.  People I shouldn't swear at.

2. I found the mistake in my calculation and now everything's (reasonably close to) good.  I'd tell you what the mistake was, but it's embarrassing.

3. The many ideas surrounding Project: Get Work Done have, generally, suffered in the super-sadness of the Broke a Thing aftermath.  However, I had gotten started on one of the projects prior to The Horror, The Horror, and it's been going well.

This particular project is intended to help increase my job-related reading (research papers and textbooks).  Generally, I get sucked into the lab during the day.  This is a combination of inclination and project priorities.  I don't really need to be told twice to spend time wrenching in a building that smells of vacuum pump oil.  And I like to be in the lab along with the rest of my team.  The downside is that reading papers becomes an evening/weekend endeavor.  In sum, I've been attempting to do my literature reviews when my meds have well and truly worn off, and this has been wildly unsuccessful.  And I hate this, because I suspect many papers have something interesting to say.

So.  My college microphone, a new digital recorder, and I have teamed up for out-loud readings of my highest-priority texts.  The plan is to form papers into TAL-style audio pieces.  Obviously, with music.  Because how awesome would that be?

This is a complex plan, the kind I'd normally consider trouble.  But the first step offers a nice, low barrier: read the paper out loud.  Brain involvement can be minimal and I get a jolt of narcissistic joy when listening to my digitized voice.  Crucially, the explicitly iterative plan for the paper lulls me into actually really truly believing I can puzzle through content as little or as lots as I wants while reading.  For me, every sentence in a paper can hold a universe of perplexity.  An option to shift the sorting-out to post-production is ... helpful.

I'm cautiously optimistic about this plan and eager to see where it'll go.  The reading has so far been fun.  I have yet to do any editing, but my hope is that I'll find its barrier to be reasonably low.  And if not, hey, I've at least read some words.

Though, lest you think that I am a steadfastly practical beast, holy wow do I have a vision.  The latest in cosmological constraints on the standard model, with the occasional fade into a discussion with my stellar-modeler bro, woven throughout with music that gives me some space to melt into ideas?  Is it just me, or does science go all sparkles, sometimes?  Welcome to my mind, people.  I hope I can manage at least a first-order approximation.

Anyways, it's undeniably a slow way to get through papers.  But it has so far been a way to actually make headway.  In the future I might try to find less time-intensive ways to get through literature.  For now, this plan has been enjoyable and has increased my work-related reading from zero to not-zero.  Ahhh.

Also, I hate the patriarchy.  I really, really, really hate the patriarchy.

me, sucking at work

Oh, wow, I'm really feeling like I'm sucking at work right now.

Did I finish making that thing?  Uh, no.

Okay, what about that other thing?  No.

How's that paper coming?  It's not.  I mean, not the way either of us want it to.

Did you at least get that one thing done?  I'm feeling a little ill right now; could you come back later?

I really like my idea about writing a summary of my days or the week and keeping track of time spent on projects, but I'm having difficulty making it happen.

I'm thinking I need to find a way to make it happen.

Uuuurggghhh.

All better.

In case you were wondering, the sertraline made by generic drug manufacturer Lupin may not be gluten free.  I haven't gone through the work to calculate a confidence interval on this statement, so, you know, take this pronouncement with a grain of salt.

But still.

I had been taking Greenstone's sertraline and all was well.  When I switched pharmacies, the pills I picked up didn't have the nice little G marks, so I started making some calls.  Lupin was able to tell me that their sertraline contained no gluten ingredients, but they (as is typical) couldn't guarantee the final product was gluten free.

So when I switched to the Lupin's pills, I was careful not to introduce any new foods.  And I got sick.  First a little sick, and then worse, and then the migraine started, and then I went all whoop-ass on the situation and got a new prescription filled, this time Greenstone.

And now I'm all better.  Correlation?  For sure.  Causation?  Mmmm.

But this is definitely a data point, and for some it might be useful, so I'll put it out there.

Also, how would I calculate the confidence interval in this case?  I can probably estimate the probability I'd feel ill on any given day.  If I pay attention, I could also estimate the duration of illness typically associated with low-level gluten ingestion.  I feel like this should let me calculate ... something quantitative.

Dunno.  I'll get back to you on that.