Wow, okay. Me: not so much with the writing.

So I signed up for BlogHer's November Daily Post Thingy challenge, and so far I've already missed two days?  One day?

Anyway.

Writing once a day is, apparently, more difficult than I imagined.

It is odd that I underestimated the difficulty, because I started a blog partly because I find academic writing (the only kind of writing I ever attempt, mind) excruciatingly difficult.  I thought that there was a chance I wouldn't find writing some manner of vignette as big a hurdle.  And that I could therefore practice my hurdling with less stress and more frequently, thus making the academic writing a bit more approachable.

I have no idea if this is going to work or not, but a few things are on track with this attempt: I do find it difficult to write a post, although not nearly as difficult as writing parts of a paper.  I am writing more frequently than I would if I were not posting.  Writing is not my thing.  My language tends toward pictures, and all that.  Linear speech typically requires something akin to translation for me.

But linear speech is the world I live in, so it seems like a good idea to do some practicing.  Also, people get pissed when I drag my feet on academic writing.  I don't like any part of that - not their pissiness and not my foot-dragging.  So again, I'm excited about practicing.

Well.  "Excited" might be a little strong.

It would be accurate to say that I would be excited about having delicious chocolate cake for tomorrow's breakfast.  Practicing writing, on the other hand?  I am fairly certain that practicing writing constitutes "worthwhile effort."

And I have made a bit of progress on academic writing fronts.

Today I wrote a draft that describes a procedure for a simple experiment I've been doing in the lab.  This, at the request of my supervisor.  I want to be irritated by this, but it was a really good suggestion.  That I took.  And completed.  (See the proud post-doc write?)

Yesterday, I sat down to work on a paper that's been dragging on for a long, long time.  I sat down to work on it like it was no big deal!  And promptly found the password to the group's data had changed.  So, you know, I didn't get anything done.  Beyond sending a few emails and uncovering the new password.  But still.

Progress?  Maybe?

Certainly enough to merit cake, I think.

Drumroll, please.

So, I have this paper that needs finishing.

I thought that a thing I could do would be to write down what I've done on the paper every day.

I mean, that is indeed a thing I can do.

And maybe it would be helpful?  Whatever.  I'll try pretty much anything.

So today, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I have done ... uh, nothing on my paper.

But I ate dinner!  And picked out a bra online!  Woo!

And soon I'm going to go to sleep.

Maybe tomorrow will go better for me and my paper.

me, sucking at work

Oh, wow, I'm really feeling like I'm sucking at work right now.

Did I finish making that thing?  Uh, no.

Okay, what about that other thing?  No.

How's that paper coming?  It's not.  I mean, not the way either of us want it to.

Did you at least get that one thing done?  I'm feeling a little ill right now; could you come back later?

I really like my idea about writing a summary of my days or the week and keeping track of time spent on projects, but I'm having difficulty making it happen.

I'm thinking I need to find a way to make it happen.

Uuuurggghhh.

Baby Steps?

So my potatoes are cooking away in my super fancy new pan, and I don't want to write anything.

This is, tragically, rather ideal since I'm trying to practice doing things I'd rather avoid.

So instead of not writing, I will write about something that is very exciting to me.  (Likely not many other people, but hey.)

Finishing projects is typically difficult for me, and I've been working on a paper with my peeps from my graduate institution for a long, long while.  Like, it could have been finished partway through graduate school.  I mean, if I were someone else.

But I am not someone else, and here's this paper, languishing.  My peeps and I had become discouraged, and every week we'd be all, "we'll get a lot done!" and every week we would get very, very little done.

Bad.

I was feeling stressed out about this.  I was feeling particularly stressed out about this because I had lots of work to do for my current job.  My current, awesome, amazing job which I love and would like to keep.  And I really just didn't see how I'd get anything done on the paper without being someone else.

Side note: my potatoes burned a little.  The new pan is awesome, but does not have magical anti-burn properties.

Anyway, the point is, I'm not someone else and I don't like feeling crazy, so I didn't work on the paper for a month and it was awesome.  For the past week and a half, my peeps and I have been churning away at the paper for about an hour each day, and I'm relinquishing control of it at the end of the week.  It's cut into my work time a little bit, but I knew it was for a finite time and I got to pick that time.  And I kept saying, "I'll get to it, I'll get to it," and I did.

Good.

I read in a book that ADHD folk often need to build the sense that their future can be different from their past, and I feel like this paper-writing experience has been an example of this.  I'd very much like to know someone in the sciences who struggled with ADHD, but knows how to manage herself to a tee and has a satisfying and in-control work and home life.  Also, I want a pony.  And an oscilloscope and a standing end mill.

So, right.  This paper-writing has been overwhelming at a few points and tiring at all points, but it's been something really positive.  And I'm really proud of myself.